Kauthar Page 12

  I am looking out of the window. I can see them way down below me. The enemy soldiers. And I see them stopping a group of small schoolchildren with their teacher. Machine guns at the ready. I could help them and free them from their false world, from their world of deception. I could help my brothers and sisters to build a paradise here in this world, if only I am courageous enough to try the bar dismount without assistance one more time. Like I did when I was a girl hanging from the monkey bar in the playground. There I practised for the first time. And God gave me a sign. For a moment He took me into His reality. But He, the All-Knowing, knew what I was ignorant of. That I would improve. He will be proud of me.

  I pull the door shut behind me. I carefully put one foot in front of the other as I walk down the stairs. What if the explosives don’t work and they shoot me? If it is His intention that I give a sign, I will give a sign. I walk upright, the control of my body comes from the core, from the depths of my stomach. I open the main door and step outside into the shadow of the apartment block. A skinny grey cat darts across the road and disappears down an alley. Two fat rats follow. I step forward. I am wearing my dark-blue shiny gymnast’s outfit. Tightly fitted like a swimsuit. Sequins adorn my neckline. My back is straight and I lift my arm to indicate to the jury that I am ready. My ponytail is bobbing up and down as I walk towards the asymmetric bars. I adjust the hand-guards. Rub the chalk in. I walk along the unpaved dusty road. At the edges on both sides flat bungalows sit next to high-rise flats. It is quiet, very quiet. And it reeks. The rubbish hasn’t been collected since the checkpoint was set up. It has piled up in front of the buildings. The audience holds its breath, waiting in anticipation. The narrow street in front of me lies in the shade. But I can see the light at the other end even though the tank is blocking the way. Two soldiers are staring right at me, like everyone else – the audience, the cameras, the world. There will be photos and the film of my routine will be repeated on the news world-wide. I now notice another soldier, who is leaning out of the hatch at the top, his left arm hanging casually over the edge. I raise my arm to indicate that I am ready to begin my routine. And in that very moment the soldier’s watch catches the sun. And I know it’s His sign. My belly knows what to do. I swing. I hear shouts, shouts from the audience. They are applauding. I spread my legs and bring my hips into a deep body fold. The Endo circle. A beautiful feeling takes hold of my body. I am flying weightlessly, effortlessly. The routine is going well. My feet initiate the turn and the bar is released. I am now in the full-flight phase. Then I grasp again one more time.

  I pull the lever.

  My body is fully extended. I am airborne.

  And I know that this time I will land with confidence on both feet, knees slightly bent.